3/2/2024 0 Comments You are not listeningEffective listening means using these non-verbal cues to help you to understand the emphasis and nuance of what is being said. Equally, everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations. Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying.Ī good speaker will use both volume and tone to help them to keep an audience attentive. When you are aware, you can take action to overcome your tendency to be distracted, and focus on the words and meaning again. For others, arm waving may prove to be too interesting.īe aware of the aspects of speech that you find particularly distracting. For some, it may be a particular regional accent that is so fascinating in its tone that the words or meaning are lost in transmission. We all find some elements of delivery more distracting than others. This is particularly important if the speaker has a speech impediment such as a stammer. Never be tempted to interrupt or finish a sentence for someone. Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time. Sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it. See our pages: Empathic Listening and What is Empathy? for more.Ī pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. You should only start to construct an argument to counter what is said, if necessary, once they have finished, and you have fully assimilated their argument. Their argument could be more nuanced when you listen carefully to it in full. Keep listening to their views and opinions without comment, until they have finished speaking.Īfter all, your first impression could be wrong. If the speaker says something that you disagree with, then wait. The best way to do this is to let go of preconceived ideas.īy opening your mind to new ideas and perspectives, you can more fully empathise with the speaker. This helps you to understand their point of view, and to understand their concerns. When you are listening, it is important to see issues from the speaker’s perspective: to empathise with them. Try to understand the other person’s point of view. They will also suggest to the speaker that you are not interested, which makes it harder for them to speak. They are likely to distract you from the process of listening, and making your listening less effective. These kind of behaviours are unhelpful for both you and the speaker. For example, at work, you might leave your desks and go to a meeting room, leaving your phones behind.Īvoid behaviours like doodling, shuffling papers, looking out of the window, picking your fingernails or similar. It is also a good idea to avoid unnecessary interruptions. Put down your phone, or turn away from your computer screen. When you are listening to someone, it is a good idea to remove possible distractions. It is therefore important to ensure that you don’t give your mind too much opportunity for escape. The human mind is prone to being distracted. Remove as many distractions as possible so you can focus on what is being said. This, in turn, will make them more comfortable about speaking freely. These techniques are part of active listening, and will show the speaker that you are listening and understanding what is being said. Summarise or paraphrase what they have said, finishing with a question (or a questioning tone) to encourage them to continue. Nod and smile, or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue Įcho back their last few words, in a technique known as mirroring, which is part of reflecting and However, as a listener, there are actions you can take to make the speaker feel more confident. It is not always easy for someone to talk freely, especially if they find the topic is difficult, or it causes an emotional reaction. The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention. However, just as you would when meditating, the trick is to catch your mind as it starts to do so, and bring it back to the speaker. Our page on Mindful Listening explains that it is natural for your mind to wander. When you are listening to someone, try to put other thoughts out of your mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated. The human mind is easily distracted by other thoughts, such as wondering what’s for lunch, or what time you need to leave to catch your train, or whether it is going to rain later. There is more about these techniques in our pages on Clarification and Reflecting.įocus on the speaker. When the other person has finished talking, you may need to ask them questions, or reflect back what you have heard, to clarify that you have received their message accurately. Just listen: hear what they are saying, watch their body language, and think about their meaning. …a time to keep silence, and a time to speak… Conversation Tips for Getting What You Want.Non-Verbal Communication: Face and Voice.Tips for Effective Interpersonal Communication.
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